Things That Make Me Feel Like a Grown-Up: Lay's Ranch Dip

1) I generally eat pretty well, but sometimes I need that magical combination of salty, crispy potato chips (Ruffles, what else?), creamy chemical-laden goodness, and zesty undefined herbs, and you know what?  I can have them any time I want, because I'm a grown-up and nobody can tell me not to.

2) Lots of times I put my potato chips on a plate for easier access.  I eat my POTATO CHIPS off a PLATE.  That's pretty classy.

3) Lots of times I wash down my chips and ranch dip with a bourbon on the rocks.  Kids don't do that.  Usually.

4) I don't eat the whole bag of chips and the whole jar of dip in one sitting.  I exercise restraint, like a grown-up should.  I eat a slightly-larger than reasonable amount, put both items in the fridge (keeps the cat out of the chips), wait 10 minutes, then take an Alka-Seltzer.  Because you know what?  Ranch dip gives grown-ups heartburn.  And I, sadly, am apparently a grown-up.